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Dah macam family.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Tadi Saifful, anak angkat kepada my mum (waktu student UMS buat program bakti siswa di kampung), datang secara tiba-tiba ke Kirasa Cafe. Tiba-tiba pop up macam tu saja, siapa yang tak terkejut kan. Lama dah tak nampak dia ni. Sekarang ni dah kerja dah dia, siap bagi business card weh.. 

Dia tanya tentang adik saya, yang dah kaya tiap bulan dapat duit ribu riban tu. Online business, kalau kena dengan caranya of course boleh kaya. Kalah gaji my ayah tahu tak? HAHA. Sekarang ni siap nak angkut Vios pulak. Dah book, bulan depan dapat. Insya-Allah. Bolehlah aku tumpang sekaki pandu Vios pulak lepas ni kan. Kehkeh. Tapi van putih tetap di hati XD

Saifful cakap, kalau macam tu, dah boleh kawen lah dia tu. Saya terkekek saja. Bukan tak pernah cakap dekat adik benda yang sama, tapi dia cakap apa-apa hal pun, dia nak tunggu saya lepas dulu, barulah dia pula yang fikir pasal tu. So Saifful asked, "kau kawen bila?"

And I said, : "Tahun ni juga." Selamba.
"Oh.." Dia buat muka buat-buat percaya. Saya boleh nampak dari air muka dia, dia taknak percaya dah tu theehe.
"Kami baru kenal." Saya tambah.

Lepas tu bulat mata dia, bertanya if saya serius. Saya gelak saja. KAHKAH geli perut ai. Usus pun geli-geli sekali ni. Kahwin? Belum lagi. Masih ada perkara untuk difikirkan, I guess. Tunggu keadaan tenang dulu HAHAH :)

"Tapi memang seriuslah. Bukan macam kau kan, muda lagi." Senyum.
"Umur dia berapa?"
"29"
"Oh patutlah, umur hampir-hampir 30, manalah fikir mahu main-main kan."
"Ya, so kau macamana? Masih banyak skandal?"
"Kalau saya mahu, banyak juga tu. Kalau tak mahu, .... *paused* adalah sikit."
Oh okey I got what he mean XD

Both laughing.
Dia tambah. "Skandal tu biasalah, tapi yang steady tu adalah seorang."
"It's okey, kau muda lagi."
"Fikir-fikir, kalau boleh mahu single saja tapi bila fikir balik, sayang pula lepaskan yang satu ni. Terlalu baik." His voice gets low.
Saya angguk. "Yeap, rasanya saya faham juga tu macamana rasa dia." Senyum lagi, sambil mata pandang ke tempat lain, fikir tentang sesuatu *senyum* Saya pun sebetulnya lebih suka hidup sendiri, tapi now that I found him, berat rasa hati mahu lepaskan macam tu saja..
"Susah mahu lepaskan."
"Dia tahu kau banyak skandal?"
"Tau. Tapi dia macam tu lah. Relaks saja."
"Patutlah kau sayang sangat dekat dia."
"Lelaki ni terlalu takut kecewa sebenarnya. Bukan tidak sayang, tapi kalau tumpukan hati dan perasaan dekat seorang perempuan saja, kalau jadi apa-apa, teruk juga. Kalau ada skandal-skandal ni sekurang-kurangnya tidaklah berapa teruk jadinya." Panjang lebar.
"Oh.. Sebab, perancangan untuk ke arah perkahwinan itu masih jauh, sebab itulah macam tu. Kan?"
Dia angguk.

Curi-curi ambil gambar ni waktu dia ambil barang sekejap dalam kereta

Lepas tu borak-borak biasa saja, mungkin sekitar 40 minit juga dia singgah. Tanya khabar masing-masing. Bila saya tanya dia okey ke tak, dia jawap direct yang dia tak okey HAHA. Dia cakap kerja penat sangat. Dan sebelum dia undur diri, dia kirim salam dekat ahli family lain. Dia dari Kota Kinabalu, mahu ke Sandakan.

He's very close to mama. Macam dah part of the family. But, being me, months before, saya admit hubungan kami bukan baik sangat. Adalah reasonnya. Tak pernah cakap dalam blog sebab memang rasa tak payah nak tulis hehh. But as time passed, I guess, saling menerima itu yang penting. Kenapa bazirkan masa dengan rasa-rasa yang tak elok, macamlah kita ni perfect sangat. At the end of the day, I have to realize that this is the way I am and that is the way he is, so, if kita tak boleh terima dia seadanya, yang salah bukan dia. Tapi kita yang tidak mahu menerimanya. Kita yang ada something wrong. Itu saja.

We're good, I guess.

When You Tell Me That You Love Me Lyrics

"When You Tell Me That You Love Me"
(feat. Diana Ross)

I wanna call the stars
Down from the sky
I wanna live a day
That never dies
I wanna change the world
Only for you
All the impossible
I wanna do

I wanna hold you close
Under the rain
I wanna kiss your smile
And feel the pain
I know what's beautiful
Looking at you
In a world of lies
You are the truth

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

I wanna make you see
Just what I was
Show you the loneliness
And what it does
You walked into my life
To stop my tears
Everything's easy now
I have you here

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

In a world without you
I would always hunger
All I need is your love to make me stronger

And baby
Everytime you touch me
I become a hero
I'll make you safe
No matter where you are
And bring you
Everything you ask for
Nothing is above me
I'm shining like a candle in the dark
When you tell me that you love me

You love me
When you tell me that you love me

27 Februari 2011

Esok kerja jadi hari ini mari kita jumpa dengan si dia yang tercinta ewahhh XD

Mama dan ayah keluar atas urusan keluarga, pergi rombongan meminang dengan sekalian uncle-uncle and auntie untuk my cousin. Alhamdulillah, sudah sampai serunya. Elok sangatlah tu. Sampai bila dia nak asyik kena langkah-langkah oleh cousin beliau yang lain yang kebanyakannya dah pangkat adik-adik dah kann. KAMU bila lagi? Eceh bertanya pula tiba-tiba kannn. Tak sedar diriii.

Petang tadi, selepas hantar adik ke stesen bas ke Kota Kinabalu, terus ke destinasi pertemuan kami di KFC. Pekan Ranau tak macam hari-hari biasa, hari ini agak sunyi sebab banyak kedai tutup. Ada yang buka tapi kebanyakannya buka setengah hari saja. Dia text, cakap yang dia dah dekat Kibbas. Dari Kundasang.

Saya pun pergilah ke toilet sekejap. Tapi tak masuk toilet lah, just pergi depan cermin. I love wide mirrors macam cermin KFC tu. Hehe. Pusing-pusing sikit make sure my appearance okey, betulkan tudung dan a guy standing right next to me yang tengah basuh tangan tiba-tiba stop, looking at me. Mula-mula dia tengok melalui cermin, lama lepas tu dia toleh ke sebelah, dan dengan confident dia cakap, "Sudah cantik tu."

I don't meet his eyes, pandang sekilas saja. I don't even terlintas nak cakap terima kasih sebab a bit shocked. Obviously shocked, OMG Fina, Fina, Fina. And then I left. Kebingungan. And thinking, how flirty la this guy! Okeylah maybe I je yang perasan, kan. I ni boleh tahan juga kuat perasan. Kehkeh.

Kemudian Zul datang, ambil order, dan ambil seat. Port kegemaran kami, di tingkat atas. And the flirty guy pun ada? Bila Zul off sekejap pergi toilet, flirty guy tu lalu sebelah saya dan ..... I don't know how to describe, but I just know this guy really do notice me. I did smell something behind his smile. Did I just saw him winking his eyes?? And bila dah jauh pun dia toleh-toleh saya dekat belakang. Saja-saja la tu, you should just find a girlfriend, boy. This girl here has already taken =D

Told Zul about that, dan air muka dia macam 'urghhh berani dia kacau GF aku??' XD

Okeylah, tak boleh usik sangat, nanti dia touching pula. Dia ni nampak ja ganas, tapi dalam hati bukan main lembut lagi. Theehehe.

So kami mula berborak, dimulai dengan ini :

"So, bagitahulah tentang event 26 Mac tu?" Saya dengan muka excited. Ha-ha. Semalam dia mention tentang coming event tu.

Dia explain dan explain. Sama macam event Tari Kirana bersama Walai Tokou Homestay dengan Agrobank beberapa hari itu, kali ni pun lebih kurang saja. Cuma kali ni yang buat saya excited, bila Tari Kirana akan perform dengan LIVE MUSIC with Kinabalu Merdu Sound my favorite band. Isn't it overwhelming? =P Saya dah bluetooth beberapa lagu yang mungkin akan dipersembahkan oleh Tari Kirana waktu tu, diorang nak guna mp3 tu untuk buat live music. The plan is, Tari Kirana akan buat latihan dan bila rehearsal nanti buat secara live. Can't wait..!

Ada boyfriend ahli KMS ni best juga kan? Ehehe. Sebenarnya point utama entri ni nak cakap pasal tu la. About Tari Kirana XD

By the way, evening tadi memang nice.. Hari dah gelap bila kami balik so dia escort saya balik, terus sampai rumah. Around 20 minutes juga tu dari Pekan Ranau. Dia cakap, dia rasa perlu hantar saya untuk make sure saya selamat sampai ke rumah. Terharu.

Rock kan kereta kami HAHAHAHA

Kembar Heliza Helmi

Saturday, February 26, 2011



Gambar Heliza Helmi sebelah kanan tu dapat dari SINI
Credit to Dana for the edit. Yang empunya tuan badan dekat gambar sebelah kiri itu namanya Widha. Ehem. Baru berusia 16 tahun. Ada bezanya juga. Bukanlah sama sangat pun kan :)

BOTH ARE GORGEOUS!

Love doesn't need to be perfect. It just needs to be true.

Story for 23th - 30th of January is in HERE.
Story for 31th - 15Tth of February is in HERE.


Part Three

7th of February

Texted with Fiza. She told me dia excited pula hearing about my love life walaupun sedih I can't be there during her wedding. Dia cakap dah sediakan bilik hotel pun for me tsk. Nak buat macamana, komitmen banyak di sini. I just can't suddenly leave.. (- -")

"Ko serius ke? Dengan siapa wei. Aku kenal ke? Aku excited ni!"
"Seriusla Fiza. Tapi bla-bla-bla-bla-bla.. Tapi ko tak kenal la.. Banyak benda jadi akhir-akhir ni tapi bahagia sangat-sangat Fiza. Kitorang baru kenal dua minggu lepas actly.." *blush*
"Wahhh. Express. Hehe. Tapi dia okey la kan. Umur berape?"
"29. Sangat okey. Romantik, main muzik, performer juga. And dia banyak ciri-ciri macam my dad. He's better than ciri-ciri lelaki idaman yang saya pernah bayangkan.. Kadang-kadang bangun pagi fikir, saya ingat saya mimpi haha.."
"Lucky la ko Fina! Aku doakan ko bahagia and cepat-cepatlah ikut jejak aku. Mesti die chinese look kan. Adoi. Dapat anak ngan ko mesti comel gile. Hahaha.. Aku doakan ko. Kirim salam die eh. Hehe."
"Ada kot sikit muka cina. Macam Edward Cullen pun ada. Hahaha." Edward Cullen? How's that slipped out? Manada sama sangat pon. Kehkehkeh. Terbawak-bawak dengan cerita Twilight la tu ceh ceh. Senyuman Zul manis macam Edward, tapi senyuman Zul lagi lebar la hahahh.

Fiza said she'll pray for our happiness. Fiza sendiri dah selamat diijabkabul dengan lelaki pilihan beliau minggu lepas. Alhamdulillah.. :)

8th - 11th of February

Hari-hari yang agak berkonflik, ada air mata dan luka. Bukan dari kami, tapi dari orang lain yang belum bisa mengerti. Dan juga asyik dengar dan menghayati lagu Siti Nurhaliza tajuk Biarlah Rahsia dan Cahaya Cinta tu HEHEH.

Dan ada masa-masa saya agak terganggu, sesungguhnya saya memang masih dibayangi luka cerita masa lalu. Takut memberikan hati ini, takut untuk mencintai. Beberapa hari juga dia akhirnya berjaya buat saya yakin that he truly wants me in his life dan tidak mahu antara kami ada rasa yang bukan-bukan. Dia cakap dia tak pernah rasa saya mengganggu malah membahagiakan. Dia tanya, kenapa perlu ada rasa macam tu sedangkan semuanya dia dah jelaskan.. Lepas tu panjang lagi perbualan kami dan saya insaf, lelaki ini sememangnya terlalu menyayangi saya. Tanpa bersyarat. Menerima siapa saya seadanya walaupun belum mengenali saya sedalam-dalamnya. Sesungguhnya dia anugerah terindah pernah saya miliki dalam hidup ini..

Saya sendiri belum mengenali sepenuhnya lelaki ini. But I love our connection. I love how much he attached to me. I love how sometimes he acts like Hindustan movie hero, singing our songs (sometimes loud, sometimes slow depends with his mood and situation) in front of others without feeling embarrassed or shy *giggle* I love how charming he can be, how it is me he believe in. I love his constant gratitude, every morning he wake up thanking Allah he's still alive and still having me in his life. I love how we both believe in give and take in relationship - one of the thing that brought us together, I rarely can find.. I love how manja he can be with me. And the fact that he knows this ain't a game. I love hat he's imperfect, cuz it makes him the man that he is..

Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will. And most of all, I am glad that our love is based on above.. =)

17th of February

Terjumpa secara tidak sengaja, di kawasan park kereta berdekatan Kedai Fotostat Bunga Raya. Saya nak park kereta depan Cosway sebenarnya (nak pergi Cosway), tapi kawasan park di situ penuh so saya ke depan sikit cari tempat parking dekat-dekat kedai fotostat tu. Kawasan sebelah sana luas, confirm banyak tempat parking. It's a bit rainy but it won't hurt jalan sikit, kan. Bukan takda payung.

Then lepas sibuk-sibuk pusing belakang cari payung dekat seat belakang dalam kereta, dah dapat capai dan waktu pandang ke depan, I saw him already standing there. What a surprise. Then I saw his car parked right in front of the kedai fotostat. Dia cakap dia ingat nak kejutkan saya, tapi saya dah nampak awal-awal. Laughing. How naughty. Karang nanti I kena heart attack, siapa nak bertanggungjawab? =P

Dia temankan saya ke Cosway, lepas tu duduk stop by dekat restoran berdekatan dengan tempat kami parking kereta masing-masing, dan ambil masa berbual. Talked about the future. And the people that matter. We're strong enough to face it all, tapi memikirkan dugaan macam ni, ada juga rasa sakitnya. Kemudian saya nampak dia tiba-tiba terdiam, muka dia berubah tiba-tiba time tu so I ask what's wrong. Tapi dia diam saja sambil perhati.

He was sitting there, looked away from me, with a bit teary eyes. Saya tak tahu yang itu, sehinggalah malam itu baru dia bagitahu.Then malam tu baru dia cakap, dia tiba-tiba ikut rasa sedih sangat sebab nampak air muka saya, dia pun rasa juga kesedihan yang saya rasa. Sempat dia paling muka tempat lain tak mahu terus-menerus pandang saya, takut nanti dia tak dapat kawal perasaan sedih..

But, we're going to stay strong for each other, kan Sayang. We will make it, kan Sayang. We have each other, kan.. I will always be by your side, love. If being with you is a kind of blindness, then I could live with this blindness ..forever.


......Okey pon ponnn. Lori gula melimpah-limpah XD

I think, cukuplah buat sekarang kisah-kisah flashback kami. Let everything just flow.. We'll see where it ends, for a new beginning.. Are you with me?

The only thing that keeps me wishing on the wishing star.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Story for 23th - 30th of January is in HERE.


Part Two

31th of January

I silently TERsuka dekat the love story between Edward and Bella in Twilight, macam kami, we started out of sudden. Bertemu dan tiba-tiba segalanya berubah. But, we are for real. Not just a story =)

When I about to feel lost, he came and make me stronger. Dia tidak mahu kami menyerah kalah begitu sahaja dengan situasi. Mesti cuba yang terbaik. He told me this, "Soal jodoh memang di tangan Tuhan tapi Tuhan pun mahu tahu kita bersungguh-sungguh atau tidak."

Thanks, love..

1st of February

I met his family. Family kandung. Tak dirancang pun. Brought buah-buahan sebagai buah tangan. Kebetulan saya balik awal sikit hari tu, so saya tiba-tiba terfikir mahu ke rumah dia di  Kg Marakau tu. I told him tentang hasrat saya, dan dia mula-mula tolak. But I really want to go. He've been to my house, to Lasing. Saya pula tidak pernah lagi. So, thanks for allowing me to meet them Sayang. Even berlainan agama pun, your family are very nice, your mum and sister both very cute and now I know where did you get your pair of twinkling eyes. The first time we met, family dia sangka saya bukan orang Ranau. Gaya macam perempuan Melayu. Manis. HAHA. Pulak. Gadis Dusun tak cukup manis ker :P

I can't forget the beautiful feeling, he was beside me. Always. Dari awal sampai akhir. Kadang-kadang ada soalan family dia yang saya tak sure nak jawap apa, but he was there, backing me up. Kadang-kadang bila pndang, saya nampak dia macam sentimental saja time tu. Macam nampak sayu. I can feel what he feel that time, by the time I saw him looking so soft at me. His hand sentiasa pegang kerusi tempat saya duduk sepanjang perbualan dengan ahli family dia. Always there and never had the intention to let his hands off. I felt so safe and guarded... :)

1 February, terhasil entri yang INI.

2nd of February

Genap seminggu perhubungan. Terhasil entri yang INI pula.

4th of Februari

Dia akan gerak ke Papar dengan anggota KMS yang lain,  sebab keesokannya ada show. Pesta Air di Kimanis Papar, dekat tepi pantai, itu saja yang saya tahu. Dia cakap 4hb tu dia gerak after solat jumaat. Saya keluar sekejap pergi Pekan Ranau untuk ambil ais, mama pesan, sebab bekalan ais dekat gerai dah nak habis. I text him, asking if I can go to Kundasang, to meet him. Crazily in love, I am..

Waktu isi minyak tu, I was about to go, but he said he'll come at Pekan Ranau instead, to meet me. Tak sempat nak tanya lagi banyak, saya pilih jumpa dekat Medan Selera. There is where I will get the ices anyway. Saya drive ke kedai mama jumpa Dina (she already bought for me), lepas tu headed forward to Medan Selera, ambil parking dan stay dekat kereta waiting him to arrive.

Around 13 minutes later, he arrived. Memang sangat-sangat spontan perjumpaan kami hari tu. Teringat waktu dekat Sri Dina, itu pun jumpa secara spontan juga. Waktu dia ke rumah for the first time, pun spontan juga. Waktu saya decide nak lawat rumah dia dulu pun spontan juga.. Everything went so perfect when I am with him even spontan pun..

So, we took our seat. Jumpa pun tak lama, around 30 minutes saja. We talked, and macam biasa, his renungan always making me melt. Ada satu masa, tiba-tiba he lean forward, renung my eyes and suddenly tells me he loves me.. I was speechless, looking at him. How romantic..

After 30 minutes, we both off. Me back to Lasing, and dia pergi solat Jumaat dekat Masjid Besar Ranau. BTW, I love that mosque. Nak nikah situ nanti, boleh? Theehe. Dia cakap nanti before balik Kundasang after solat, dia singgah Lasing, mau jumpa.

He do came. Bercakap-cakap lagi. Dalam 45 minit rasanya. Saya tanya, solat tadi khusyuk tak? Dia cakap, tadi waktu solat dia rasa sayu sangat. Terlalu bersyukur yang Allah hadirkan rasa yang ada dalam hati dia sekarang. Pandangan dia yang bening merenung ke arah saya.. Terkedu dibuatnya.

Lepas dia pergi, I told mama dia kirim salam. Mama did ask for his name. For now, apa yang saya jawap, saya bagitahu mama yang saya yakin dia mampu bahagiakan saya. I beg them, don't judge him before they know him, sebab it wouldn't be fair for him. And whatever it is, itulah pilihan saya. Just him. Saya dah besar pun, hal-hal macam ni bukan untuk main-main. This is my life I am talking about. No more playing around. Bukan saya sebarangan pilih teman hidup.

Memang aku dah terbuta mungkin, tapi aku sangat waras. Mungkin people will say I believe in him secara membuta tuli, but no, I don't. Whatever it is, the love we shared is something too precious, I won't sacrifice this love just because of ......... .

5th of February

Terhasil entri INI.

6th of February

Kalau sebelum ni dia selalu bagitahu dulu kalau nak datang, tapi sekarang ni dia dah start pop up mcm tu je. Buat ai luruh jantung setiap kali heshhh =P

7th - 11th of February

Hari-hari yang agak berkonflik, ada air mata dan luka. Bukan dari kami, tapi dari orang lain yang belum mengerti. Dan dan juga asyik dengar dan menghayati lagu Siti Nurhaliza tajuk Biarlah Rahsia dan Cahaya Cinta tu HEHEH.

Semakin aku hidup dalam cinta tiada kuasa mampu menghalangnya, hentikan kata-kata bertulangkan dusta.

12th of February

Another beautiful day being with him, whole day. Paling tidak boleh lupa dalam satu video yang kami rakam sepanjang hari ni, saya mention pasal Valentine Day ada 2 hari lagi (I was joking T__T), dia ckp "Valentine kita hari-hari..". And yes, setiap hari yang saya lalui bersama dia, I always feel the love. Why Valentine when we love everyday?

Plus, I don't give a a damn about Valentine's Day.


13th of February

Dia datang juga jumpa sekejap, di rumah. Waktu tengah pening-pening perah otak untuk our next performance di Sutera Harbour Resort. Rasa macam nak give up, but.. what is the point of giving up? Ada masa lagi untuk training kan.

14th of February

I know I am in love..

This time, me dengan Dana saja jaga kedai. Dia datang waktu dah petang-petang. Supposed earlier, tapi event dia start lewat sebab VIP datang lewat so lewat datangggg, dan saya sendiri dah berkira-kira nak tutup kedai dah. Lepas tu dia datang sekitar hampir pukul 6, makan, chatting with him, dan he took a video of me haha.. Okeylah nampak sangat manja okey. I didn't know I can be so manja like that hohhh.. It's like watching different girl in that video. 
And one of among the best things is, knowing that we can always go crazy together. Dua-dua otak sama. So crazy la both of us. Very funny. 12 Februari lepas kami karoke dalam kereta, hari ini pula bertanding shuffle jari atas meja, sama-sama usik Dana.. (- -")
Hari ini keluar lagi ayat-ayat cinta beliau. Sobs. Me too sayang.. Okey nak terharu bawah bantal.

15th of February

Hari ni cuti! Yeay. Petang dalam jam 2 start training, so crazy la semalam. Pusing kepala fikir macamana nak buat step kami fit dengan lokasi persembahan kami di Sutera Harbour. Macam nak give uppppp, tapi kenot kenot. Simple saja, and fikir sebab kenapalah uncle pilih kami buat persembahan MAGUNATIP padahal I know he's well aware that we can't REALLY. But they trusted me, mungkin later I have to explain (not that i'd never tried, but they say "boleh belajar") and if they still want me to, so I guess, pasarabaton nopo kio.. (- -")

Don't have the chance to meet him today. And malam dia cakap dia pergi main badminton, which aku rasa macam "why??". Kaki dia bukan okey sangat, nak main badminton pula. hmph. Kaki dia terseliuh sebelum saya kenal dia lagi sebenarnya. Waktu kenal, kaki dia dah sedia berbalut.

Dan, mula fikir tentang hubungan kami. Thinking, why do I want him. Why do I choose him. All that I know, for the first time in my life, I am truly happy. With him, I finally hear myself breathing. With him, I feel alive. Without him, I feel so lost, missing the feeling he made me feel whenever he is around. Even waktu menulis ni pun, I miss him damn much..

Well, suddenly I am wondering what he truly feels when I am around him..

....to be continued.



Here and there, today's 24th of February and we are still going strong. And stronger. We do pray for our happiness, dengan usaha dan ikhtiar and terima apa saja yang ada di masa hadapan untuk kami tanpa membelakangkan keluarga masing-masing.. We talked about our relationship and decided, ....whatever in Loh Mahfuz, will happen. Takdir. Kalau jodoh, insya-Allah everything will be okey. Insya-Allah berkat doa, hati yang keras juga bisa dilembutkan..

Saling menjaga.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I saw them had a little quarrel in front of me.. I really do mean 'little' ya. Not 'big'.

It's just, it made me realize one thing or two. Bila kita saling berhenti menjaga hati pasangan, berhenti menjaga tutur kita, dan berhenti menjaga apa yang perlu dijaga, saat itulah banyak perkara boleh tiba-tiba berubah. Sesungguhnya jangan pernah berhenti menjaga walau sedetik pun, kita tidak tahu apa yang akan kita kehilangan.

Yes, jadilah diri sendiri. But tidak bermakna menjadi diri sendiri itu kita biar segala laku dan kata bebas lepas macam tu saja tanpa fikir apa kesan dia nanti. Kita hidup tidak lama, kita hidup dengan pasangan juga bukan lama sangat. We don't have forever. Selagi masih bersama dan masih ada rasa cinta, nikmati saja dengan tenang. Kan?

Bak kata Siti Nurhaliza, "Sesungguhnya berkasihlah di antara manusia, perindah segala kata-kata, bahagia itu janji-NYA." Once you fall in love, you sure don't want to MISS or even WASTE any thing or any moment when you're together =) 

I guess, there's nothing too early or too late to be in love..

WARNING : Entri Panjang
Part one.

... this is all my thoughts, sepanjang perkenalan kami and this story is going to be very detailed. Tapi macam biasa, saya kongsi setakat yang saya mahu kongsi. Bila sampai waktu nanti, samada kami akhirnya akan bersatu dengan ikatan atau terpisah tanpa ikatan, sekurang-kurangnya ini akan menjadi kenangan yang terindah dalam hidup saya. For I know, what we have now is fate. Very tough, but where ever it will lead us, we are praying hard for a happy ending.

Please, do pray for us too..

****************

Hari ini genap satu bulan perkenalan kami. Sebulan lepas, selepas pulang dari Kundasang, my mind was full of the thought of him. I met him waktu event Tari Kirana di Dewan Kundasang untuk Walai Tokou Homestay. Cuma saya saja yang masih jual mahal lagi, maybe I was too afraid of falling..

That was 23th of January, the very first day. I was afraid if I'd never met him that day..

24th of January

He damn stucked in my mind and swallowing my pride, I decided to ask for his phone number from his uncle. I got his phone number from Uncle Koch. I'd rather look back at my life and say, "I can't believe I did that!" instead of saying, "I wish I did that.." ;)

Alasan, tanya pasal CD yang mungkin tertinggal dekat CD player. Padahal, like I care much about the CD. KAHKAH. Beberapa hari selepas tu saya dapat tahu waktu saya text Uncle, Zul pun ada waktu tu so Uncle hand Zul his handphone dan suruh Zul taip sendiri his phone number pastu terus sendkan sekali. Zul cakap waktu tu dia tak tahu pun that was me. Ceh.


"Kamu pengurus Kirana kan?"
"Ya. Tapi bukan Kirana. Tari Kirana." Please, Tari Kirana have nothing to do with Cinta Kirana. Nama Tari Kirana  tu since 2009 lagi what. HEHEH.

And so we texted. No other intention, just wanting to know him better.

We did talked about Tari Kirana. Dia cakap, kalau boleh kekalkan saja tarian-tarian asli (he meant, tarian tradisional) sebab yang moden-moden ni jarang perform untuk pelancong-pelancong luar. Dia cakap macam orang tourism saja.

25th of January

25 Januari, buat pertama kali saya ikut-ikut Ipid meronda di kawasan sekolah. Untuk tengok-tengok how things work. Mula-mula ke SMK Lohan. Lepas tu ke SMK Paduka Mat Salleh, dan lepas tu ke SMK Kundasang. Waktu saya on my way ke Kundasang, dia buat kesekian kalinya menyatakan hasrat nak berjumpa. Itupun lepas banyak kali saya tolak, tapi kebetulan kita sama-sama ada di pekan dan dia cakap betul-betul nak jumpa, dan kali itu, saya bersetuju saja. I can't believe I did that. But at the second thought, ...why, can't I just be sincere to my own heart? Can't I at least give myself the chance to follow my own heart, just for this time?

Dan selepas balik saja dari Kundasang, saya minta cousin tolong turunkan saya dekat Cosway sebab saya ada urusan di sana. I did went to Cosway, beli foundation. Kebetulan ada offer. Lepas tu dia mesej, dia cakap dia dah sampai Sri Dina, tempat kami janji nak jumpa.

Walked there, saw him waving at me. And he let me choose our seat. Pilih dekat dengan jalan raya tapi saya membelakang jalan tu. Pesan makan dan minum, he insist me to eat duh. Talked and talked and talked. He's such a funny guy. And waktu tu, I learnt more about him..

Memang itu yang saya nak, to know him better.

Hujung nama dia ada Abdullah. And I did asked about that. Dia mula cerita pasal family dia, dia datang dari keluarga Kristian. His parents splitted, dan ada family dia yang lain ambil untuk tinggal sekali. Keluarga Islam, and that's how he converted into Islam..

Dia tanya, kenapa saya tidak mahu kapel.. Lepas tarik nafas dalam-dalam, saya jawap, bagi saya, buat apa mahu bagi hati dan sepenuh perasaan kita dekat orang yang belum pasti jadi milik kita.. Dia terdiam kejap dan dia cakap saya penuh falsafah. Saya senyum saja. Falsafah lah sangat (- -") Then dia majukan badan sikit, rasanya untuk renung muka saya lebih tepat. Dia cakap, macamana kalau saya bagi pasti. Saya cakap... *clearing throat* ..macamana? Dia jawap, ada bah cara untuk pasti.. And I know exactly what he meant.

Bila dia cakap macam tu, rasa macam menggigil seluruh badan saya. Bukan suara dia yang saya dengar, tapi saya rasa seperti ada bunyi ketukan dalam hati saya. Saya langsung tidak berani angkat muka, langsung tidak berani menatap wajah dia. Suara dia rasa sangat dekat, dan menyentuh jauh dalam hati. What's happening? Apa cerita about my pendirian this year about my love life?

I feel like freezing the moment. I feel like wanna say YES to everything he have to say next, but I am still putting my feet on the ground. Saya tahu benda yang datang mudah, perginya juga akan semudah itu..

Itu semua buat saya mula fikir lebih serius tentang dia. Tidak mengharap apa-apa tapi saya keep on thinking about it. Pelik kan. It's not the things he said to me, but, like no other, it's how he made me feel.. Tapi waktu itu masih sangat takut (- -")

I do really shiver.

26th of January

26 Januari petang dia datang ke rumah for the first time and waktu ni I feel like not myself sebab tiba-tiba perasaan malu tu kuat sangat. I feel like his eyes staring at me macam sedang baca apa yang tersirat dalam hati. Malu if he found out that I actually like him..

Dia tengok, saya tunduk atau pandang tempat lain. While he's not watching, saya pula yang tengok dia. Tapi dia berani lah, bila dia tengok saya balik, saya yang alih mata tengok tempat lain. Demmit. Apa yang berlaku ni. Hari ini baru hari keempat saya kenal dia, but why this feeling feels so strong? (- -")

Inilah yang orang cakap, you don't ask yourself to fall in love, you just fall. Mama pernah cakap, cinta tidak perlu dicari. Waktu tidak mencarilah baru dia datang.. Now I know exactly what you mean, Ma.

27th of January

Dia ke Kota Kinabalu so kami tak ada masa nak jumpa. Ke Kota Kinabalu sebab malam dia ada show di Sutera Harbour. Malam tu juga dia balik.

28th of January

Dia ambil saya di rumah dan hantar saya ke Lasing. Mama saw him, ayah saw him. Far from my liking, but he was too brave..

Mama had some talk with me. Dia tak pernah nampak saya ada kawan rapat lelaki sini, so she seems a bit worry. Saya tahu masih awal lagi tapi I pray for pintu hati mama dan ayah terbuka untuk at least, cuba untuk mengenali dia.

29th of January

Hari Sabtu 29 Januari kami tidak jumpa juga. First, sebab saya ada hal di Kota Kinabalu. 2nd sebab Walai Tokou Homestay got event and as usual, he'll be in charge untuk setting dewan. Lepas setting dewan, dia perform. By the way, waktu setting dewan tu, he called me by the phone and talk sikit, lepas tu dia main drum (kali ni drum moden) sambil nyanyikan lagu 'Aku Cinta Aku Rindu' by Nurul and Ajai. Haha. Sweet.

30th of January

Kali keempat kami bertemu dalam masa seminggu theehehee. Kali ni dengan Dana, as Dana mau beli buku rujukan dan latihan di Pekan Ranau. Then he came around, dengan payung merah putih, searching for me in Hijrah Trading tu. I followed him from the back, but he was too busy searching that he did not realize me. Siap silap orang lagi. Ish ish. Kesian pula tengok dia tercari-cari so I pergi approach dia. Kami cari restoran, and we talked more deeply about our relationship. And about the secret I've been hiding from him. Now I am relieved that I told him that.. If this isn't going to change his feeling towards me, then I guess, nothing will.

Dia ada cakap yang dia mahu kami sama-sama menjaga hubungan kami. Tidak buat benda-benda yang memudaratkan hubungan. Don't ever lose parents' trust on our relationship. Untuk memenangi hati ayah, he told me to relax. To let him do it all and don't panic. Well, unfortunately, I'd never been in this kind of situation. But I will stand for both. My family and the love of my life. I want to win both, I can have them both, can I? T_______________T

Well, ya. For this time being, ayah seems not very happy with my current relationship. Zul told me it is maybe because they don't KNOW him yet. It's normal for the parents to be over-protective towards their own daughter kan. Plus, they saw my life crashed once, so I know, by any chance, they do not want my life crash one more time.. I understand. He does not seems terperanjat, so I appreciate his calmness. At least saya seorang saja yang panik. Dia cakap awal-awal lagi dia dah fikir tentang semua tu. 3 days he think about who I am and finally decide to accept it all just to be able to have me as his wife. He told me, the moment he fall for me, he didn't even know who I really am and once he gets to know about me, he knew things is going to be this messy. Seriously, if sebab wang dan harta itu lah I can't have the love of my life, I will be half dead.. Tsk.

Selesai semua, dia hantar saya dan Dana pulang. Malam he mentioned lagu 'I don't want to miss a thing' dan dia cakap lagu tu menggambarkan perasaan dia pada saya. I love that he's a little old fashioned that he like choosing oldies songs for me to hear... =)



.. nanti saya sambung. Kalau panjang sangat nanti kejang muka kamu nak baca theehehe. Lepas update semua, nanti blog ini akan kembali kepada mood asal, I promise! Saya perasan juga saya banyak cerita tentang love life sekarang ni. Well, bagi can la, sekejap ja lagi bhahahahh.

Had blast at Kampung Sinisian Kundasang.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Hampir rasa tak jadi nak pergi sebenarnya sebab dah malam dan saya sendiri jarang keluar malam sekarang ni. Hampir-hampir nak mesej dia, nak cakap yang it's okey saya tak nak susahkan dia, tapi dalam masa yang sama, saya nak jumpa dia sangat-sangat.. Dia datang ke kampung saya terus dari Kundasang, ambil masa sekitar 30 minit juga rasanya. Dan saya dah pilih dan balut hadiah untuk Dandan :


.... there's two keychains in it, and a small card. A small brown bear (keychain) I bought at Jitra Kedah and guitar shaped wooden keychain I bought at Pekan Nabalu. If you happen to be here at Sabah, from Kota Kinabalu to Ranau or Kundasang, feel free to  pay a visit at Pekan Nabalu, there's lots of Sabahan traditional crafts sold there ewahhh sempat lagiii.. Well, you might need this information kan ;)

Around 8.30PM after Isyak, he finally arrived to fetch me and Dana. Ya I brought Dana along with me. I did looked for Pipie, I might manage to pujuk him this time but he wasn't in his room or in home. Maybe he'd gone to masjid. Hmp. Never mindlah macam tu. By the time Zul arrived, ayah asked me to be careful, I know he feel quite uneasy letting me go. Salam dan cium tangan ayah. I promise to take care of myself and Dana, and I promise to be back early before midnight. I love him, ayah. As much as I love you.

Once we got in the car, he apologized to me for being sooooo late and explained there's a last hours preparation for the event tonight. He really do  looked a bit penat, but still, he sounded very happy. He said to me this is our first time together at night, then he started to sing 'Wonderful Tonight' song pulakk.. Hahaa..

Sampai saja dekat perkarangan rumah, saya nampak kumpulan Suara Buluh Perindu (sama macam Kinabalu Merdu Sound tapi ini ahli-ahlinya di kalangan kanak-kanak) tengah buat persembahan instrument diiringi penyanyi ..wait-wait. Is that Azharina Azhar? Penyanyi lagu 'Alergi Sepi'? @_@

Oh it's really her X)

So, there I am. Standing at the same place when I first arrived here. One month ago, I know nothing about Kg Sinisian. I didn't know Zulkiflie Tain Abdullah, the love of my life now. One month ago, the first time I was here, I came here as the manager of Tari Kirana, but this time, my second time, I came here with Zul, as his ........... *senyum*. I can't really describe the feeling. It was ..strange. Not that I don't like it, but it feel so .....NEW. 

Ramai orang waktu tu. Penuh di perkarangan rumah. Nampak sekumpulan mat-mat dan mek-mek saleh sedang duduk di meja bulat besar. Nampak saja saya dah faham, mesti ni penginap-penginap homestay untuk beberapa hari ini. And, event ni untuk pengisian program malam tu sepanjang diorang menginap di situ dan sambut sekali birthday 3 orang sekaligus dan ..at the same time, RTM is going to record all this? Saya seriously ingat ini parti biasa-biasa saja. You know, birthday party attended by a bunch of little kids, balloons, applause, candles, cakes ..and that's all. But the event is far better than what I expected. Wow (- -")

During the ceremony, I know he tried his best to always stay by my side, tapi waktu awal-awal tu ada masa-masa dia terpaksa left sekejap juga sebab ada yang lebih memerlukan. I don't mind at all, it's his responsibility kan. Dia sendiri tak perform dengan yang lain sebab dia cakap malam tu dia nak habiskan masa dengan saya sahaja, dan saya hargai sangat-sangat. And he do keep his words. Walaupun saya ada rasa teringin nak tengok lagi dia main drum tu. Hiks.

Because it will remind me of the first time I fall for him, it was the moment when I saw him playing the bamboo drum =)

Bila dia ada dengan saya, waktu saya kadang-kadang terleka sekejap dengan sekeliling, tengok kemeriahan majlis, sometimes caught him staring at me, but he didn't look away anyway. Makin twinkling his eyes staring at me adalah. Saya pula yang look away balik dibuatnya. Malu tiba-tiba. Sangat pemalu malam itu. Hahah.. Lepas tu saya bersuara, trying to sound more casual. Cakap yang majlis tu meriah. Tapi muka dia macam biasa saja, bukan respon yang saya expect. He told me, ini biasa-biasa saja. Sambil senyum pada saya. So for him, event macam ni biasa-biasa saja. Ah okey, mestilah kan, sebab dia dah biasa (- -")

Kami makan dekat ruang makan dalam rumah. Lepas makan, duduk lagi sekejap, dan acara seterusnya nak start dekat perkarangan rumah. Saya pula yang ajak Zul keluar, instead of Zul sendiri, selaku tuan rumah. HAHAH. Dana awal-awal lagi dah keluar. Dah keluar tu rupanya ada hiburan untuk foreigner yang saya mention tadi. Belajar menari Sumazau. Sporting habis lah diorang semua. Event tu memang untuk entertain diorang pun sebenarnya. I guess, sekali dengan pakej penginapan sepanjang diorang di homestay. Saya agak lah. HAHAH.

One of the moment, Uncle Koch panggil melalui mikrofon minta wakil Tari Kirana untuk join menari Sumazau dekat depan. Mestilah I suruh Dana pergi, sebab saya tua sangat untuk memberi hiburan dekat orang HAHAH. I just doesn't feel right untuk pergi menari berpasangan-pasangan dengan orang putih pulak kan. Pakai tudung lagi. No, no way. Lepas Dana naik stage kecil tu, dengan beberapa orang lain, Uncle nak lagi seorang from Tari Kirana. Haha siapa lagi anggota Tari Kirana yang datang malam tu selain Dana? Mana ada. Manager Tari Kirana adalahhh heh. Saya tolak sebaik mungkin. Tak appropriate lah. Memanglah RTM rakam, memanglah best macam tu. But, not for that night.

Not when Zul is around me. How could I leave him?

Kualiti gambar tak bagus, kamera handset ja, sorry.. :P

Even just jadi pemerhati saja, I really did enjoyed the night. And I love the sound of bamboo yang berkumandang sepanjang majlis tu berlangsung. Something dalam fikiran waktu tu. Well. I spent my years learning Malay traditional dance, sampai dance my culture tak ambil tahu pun (- -") what's wrong with me. Menyesal tu taklah, tapi segan sebab belajar culture lain, culture sendiri diabaikan T_________T Err.. Did I just made a peribahasa?

Even Zul berulang kali menawarkan diri nak tolong ambil gambar saya dengan Azharina Azhar, tapi I tolak juga.  Not my thing. Teringat waktu dinner with Farid Kamil, Intan Ladyana and Lisa Surihani tahun lepas. I don't even take pictures with them. I guess, I just lose my interest to things most people will have interest to. Mana yang orang jarang suka, itu pula yang saya nak suka. Again, what is wrong with me? XD

Tapi last-last ambil juga picture dengan Azharina, Dana minta temankan dia. Zul tolong capture.

Anyway, everyone seems okey seeing me around there. Some of them have seen me around before, because I'd came here the first time to manage Tari Kirana's performance here on last January. That night, we did look like such a pair of love birds. Feeling a bit shy, but Zul do carry me by his side with pleasure. He carry our love with pride in front of everyone.  His neighbours. His friends. His family. I just wish this could last forever.. But we can't. Kena balik rumah. :P

Around 10.30PM, we leave. After salam-salam his nice family. There's some crazy things he did on our way back. How annoying.. But I do laugh, thinking that I might need his craziness forever to stay alive.. And of course, the love I found in him.

Rasanya, sekarang ni, Kampung Sinisian Kundasang dan produk-produknya macam Walai Tokou Homestay, Kinabalu Merdu Sound dan Suara Buluh Perindu dan segala yang berkaitan dengan Kampung Sinisian buat masa ni dah jadi salah satu daripada subjek kegemaran saya ...dalam blog ini. Termasuklah dengan orangnya sekali.

:P

Going to Kundasang again.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

9.45 am and surprise surprise I am still on my bed. HAHA. Hari Ahad, siapa nak marah. Lagipun hari cuti. Terjaga sebab dapat call dari somebody. Sebenarnya dah bangun dah, tapi malas nak bangkit :P

"Helo?"
"Assalamualaikum sayang.."
"Waalaikumsalam.. Orang mimpi semalam, tapi lupa apa."
"Abang pun mimpi."
"Haha."
"Sayang, uncle jemput Sayang datang rumah hari ni, ada party hari jadi Dandan."
"Uncle tidak bagitahu lagi pun."
"Ni mahu bagitahu la ni."
"Oh." Tergelak sekejap. Okey saya kan baru bangun, lambat pick-up sikit (- -")
"Mau?"
"Mau, bila?"
"Petang nanti abang ambil, bawalah Dana dengan.. siapa lagi sorang tu?"
"Pipie."
"Ya Pipie."
"Okey.."

Already asked Pipie, tapi Pipie tak mahu ikut. He's so different lately, kurang bercakap. Dah agak dah dia mesti tak mahu ikut. I kinda miss the old Pipie.

Anyway, I will be going to Kundasang again tonight. Zul is going to fetch me and Dana at 7PM. Nervous lah juga nak jumpa his family ni. Dan sampai sekarang tak tahu nak bagi hadiah apa dekat Dandan. He's around 5 kot. Not sure. Met Dandan once waktu Tari Kirana buat persembahan di Kundasang Januari lepas. Comel budaknya.

Nervous campur excited. Hope everything went well. But I am sure I will be having a blast tonight :)

Tari Kirana at Walai Tokou Homestay Kundasang 4 : The Very First Day.


And here comes the fifth and LAST update! Bersiaplah, pictures ada 15 keping, itupun lepas combine semua heheh. Memang menuntut banyak kesabaranlah nak update sampai berepisod-episod ni T____T

Pagi itu...

Semua awal bangun, start mekap. Hoh, membebel lagi kerja ai. Sambil tenyeh-tenyeh muka, sambil membebel. Tapi bukanlah membebel marah-marah. Tapi ingatkan itu ini. Make sure sebelum gerak semua ada, jangan tertinggal. Diorang dah biasa, plus, if I don't, nanti diorang yang rasa pelik. HAHAHAHA heh. Okey move on.

Dah siap! Jom breakfast. Saya takda time ni. Lepas diorang siap, barulah saya siapkan diri dan mandi segala. Biar diorang turun sarapan dulu.

7.00 pagi. Cam whoring. Dekat semenanjung masih gelap lagi kan? =)

Okey saya dah siap. BRRR. Sejuk, tahu tak? Time ni pukul 7.30 pagi.

Sambil tunggu bas nak gerak ke dewan. Inform diorang tentang tentatif majlis.

Baiklah, lama sangat nak tunggu bas. Nak tidur (- -") Aku ni memang. Mana-mana tidur pun boleh KAHKAH padahal penginap homestay lain dah ramai yang turun sarapan time tu.

Mini Dewan Kundasang
Uncle Koch yang hantar kami ke dewan tu dan masuk saja saya nampak dah ada orang time tu tengah urus-urus PA system dan Uncle terus perkenalkan saya dekat dia dan audio untuk persembahan kami hari tu Uncle suruh kami atur saja dengan dia. Angguk saja, pandang with no feeling, tambahan pula mood kurang okey waktu tu. You know, sakit perempuan. Senggugut.

Lepas tu Uncle keluar dan saya terus try pasang pendrive dekat speaker tu tapi sayangnya lagu tak boleh play. Panggil nak minta bantuan orang yang jaga PA system tu, tapi dia angkat tangan minta saya tunggu sebab dia tengah buat something, dan dalam hati ai cakap .."Ewah sombongnya". Tapi lepas tu dia datang juga bantu, and that was the first time saya nampak dia dengan lebih jelas. Tapi waktu tu saya lebih risau tentang pendrive yang tak boleh main dan memang nampak sangat muka tegang ai. Heh. Perempuan, perempuan. But I saw him looking at me for the first time, stunned lepas tu macam segan-segan nak pandang.

Ting! Dapat idea. Bagi duit dan beberapa orang dari the girls pergi ke Pekan Kundasang (nasib baik tak jauh) dan cari kedai untuk burn lagu ke CD. Pulang dengan jayanya dan lagu selamat dimainkan. Fuh XD

"Kamu dari Kg Kinapulidan kan?" Pandang tunduk pandang tunduk tengok saya sebab dia tengah urus pemain CD. Senyum.
"Ya, tapi macamana tau?" How did he know?
"Tahulah." Senyum lagi.
I was about to call him Uncle tapi tengok he looked young to be an uncle, so I asked him his age. "Umur berapa?"
"29. Kamu?"
"25. Nama?" 25? Bukankah saya baru 24? HAHAHA. Sambil congak perbezaan umur kami. I don't know why I have to kira-kira perbezaan, but that is what I did XD
"Zulkiflie." Dia pandang tunduk pandang tunduk juga macam tadi. Malu-malu pula dia ni.
Then dia siap set pemain CD tu dan mula play lagu. Here and there, lagu tarian yang Tari Kirana akan persembahkan sebentar lagi akhirnya berkumandang di dewan.
"Persembahan nanti jangan lupa bagi kuat sound ya, supaya semangat sikit budak-budak ni menari."
"Jangan risau." ..dan dia cakap nanti dia bagi biar bising satu dewan. Lebih kurang macam tu la dia cakap.
Masing-masing balas senyum.

Waktu salah satu kipas cina untuk bawa persembahan rosak. I don't know, but I was so angry. Senggugut-senggugut ni aku jadi emo terlebih pulak. Sampai tak kisahlah the PA system guy tengok saja aku terbaran-baran di situ. Ohmy. Baru nak start rasa malu hari ni HAHAH.

Eh the PA system guy tanya the girls about me. Saya tak tahu apa semua yang dia tanya tapi diorang cakap.. "Nana, dia minat kauuu.." Siap minta nombor telefon saya lagi padahal I am sure he saw me membebel dekat the girls dekat belakang stage. KAHKAH tak perasan pun sebenarnya waktu awal-awal tu tapi what the hell kalau dia nampak pun. I don't mind what he's going to think about me. Apapun, the girls memang pandai  mengelak. Diorang jaga sangat pengurus diorang ni ewah.

Persembahan

Kenalan-kenalan baru Tari Kirana

Agro Bank and Kinabalu Merdu Sound team

I found out the PA system guy itu one of the performer juga, he perform dengan team Kinabalu Merdu Sound ..so it's obvious dia salah seorang dari team KMS..? OMG I am KMS number one fan for God sake HAHA XD Waktu dia main Sabahan traditional music instrument on stage waktu tu, Dana yang ada dekat sebelah saya time tu bisik dekat saya .."Macho lah cara dia main tu." If Dana tak mention, rasanya saya tak perasan punya dia tengah perform sekali. Bila Dana cakap macam tu, saya pun amati that guy. Memang seriously macho, and I love how he plays that instrument with pride and enjoyment.. I could be his fan if he don't mind :*)

And I started wanting to know him better...


Tari menari!

Ulik Mayang. Ada tambahan pelakon XD

Oh akhirnya I ada dalam pic XD

Ibu-ibu penari-penari ni pun ada yang datang nak bagi support. Cayalah, sporting habis!
Dekat luar dewan tunggu transport nak balik ke homestay (nak singgah makan dekat Garden Cafe), the PA system guy datang, try talking to me in front of the girls. Apa-apa yang dia soal, budak-budak tu pula tolong jawap. Haha lawak. And trust me, dia memang cuba macam-macam cara nak approach, and it was all so funny. Sampai sekarang I can't stop smiling just to think about those things he did and said. Kalau cakap dengan Dana tentang tu, we both burst out laughing XD

Di cafe, dia ada juga. Kami dah sampai dan tidak lama lepas tu, dia pula sampai. Lalu dekat tepi kami, saja kuatkan suara bagi semua orang di cafe tu dengar, termasuk saya. Haha. Bila nampak, terus roll eyes dekat the girls. The girls pun roll eyes juga hoho. Lepas tu dia ke meja kami tunjuk-tunjuk ramah dan buat lawak but no, I don't laugh. Don't even smile. Too busy watching him, I guess. HAHA.

Nyum!

Okey dekat Garden Cafe. Jom makan! Laparrrrr. Dan sejuk (- -")

Ngap!
Lepas makan, balik ke bilik dan start berkemas. The PA system guy was there waktu kami keluarkan barang-barang kami dari bilik. Dia datang lagi lepak-lepak dekat depan tu ajak-ajak borak tapi saya buat bo layan. Wow, so determined lah dia ni.

I saw him asking Dana for her phone number, just to get my number, but Dana cakap tidak boleh. Haha. Kesian juga dekat dia. Tapi tak boleh bagi reaksi pelik-pelik yang lain sebab nanti terjejas kredibiliti ai sebagai manager di depan budak-budak tu hehe. Bila tidak berjaya, dia blah. Dan waktu kereta kami lalu cafe time mau balik sudah, saya nampak dia minum panas di cafe. Pandang kami macam tu saja. Frust jugalah saya sendiri tidak dapat number dia haha.


Later on I found out, waktu kami dah dalam perjalanan balik, he do followed us to my village, Kg Kinapulidan, but lose track - maybe. Tapi sampai sekarang saya tak percaya dia buat macam tu. Hahaha. 

Dalam perjalanan saya tertidur, terjaga waktu dah sampai rumah. Balik saja terus tidur di bilik. Both, me and Dana. Well, banyak memori manis yang saya bawa dari sana, tapi saya tertinggal separuh hati saya di sana. Di bumi Kundasang.

:)

Tari Kirana at Walai Tokou Homestay Kundasang 3

Friday, February 18, 2011


And this is the fourth update.

Selepas walking dan cam whoring dekat Kinabalu Park, kami turun ke Pekan Kundasang pula. Ada yang nak beli barang keperluan. Lepas tu, waktu on our way balik ke homestay, kami selusur jalan raya dan di sepanjang perjalanan kami tu, banyak gerai-gerai jual bunga-bungaan, buah-buahan, sayur-sayuran etc. Lepas satu gerai, jumpa gerai lain. Semua jual benda yang sama saja ...pergh. Mencabar keimanan. See this :

[1]

[2]
Ah okey, cukop cukop. Dah mula bergambar buat muka pelik-pelik. Balik homestay sekarang jugak.

Malamnya, turun dinner. Buffet. Well served! Sedap pulak tu. Dengan suasana sejuk, dingin dan cafe yang open-air macam tu saja, rasa tenang jiwa. I love being there. Such a pleasant place. Ada juga timbul thoughts yang pelik macam.. "eh nak tinggal dekat Kundasang lah kehkeh." Padahal apa kes tiba-tiba nak stay Kundasang pulak kan. Takda kerja lain nak buatlah tu XD


Makan time!

Cam whoring lagi budak-budak ni. But it's completely fine with me. Glad that they do have fun there.

First time bawa kumpulan Tari Kirana buat performance luar dari Ranau, siap ada vacation lagi. Great experience, tahu tak? Pujilah ai dekat budak-budak ni. Obedient and behaved. Menepati masa lagi (tapi itu lepas ai berbuih mulut ingatkan these girls theehehehe)

One of the moment yang aku tak tahulah nak cakap funny ke tragik ke apa. One of the dancer jatuh kerusi. Nasib baik empunya badan tak menyembah lantai. Kalau tak, malam tu juga dia blik rumah kot hihi. Kerusi kayu yang dia duduk tu yang patah. Apologize gila-gila dekat the owner. Duh.

Cuba nak baiki tapi sememangnya dah patah T_____T

Lepas tu kami ke mini dewan kundasang buat rehearsal sendiri-sendiri sikit.




Selesai semua, kami masing-masing balik ke bilik. Kami 8 orang semua so bahagi dua bilik. Sebelum tidur, saya brief diorang untuk hari esok. Remind them tentang itu ini, set baju dan set alat mekap. Lepas tu diorang iron set baju yang nak guna esoknya dan malam tu tidur lewat sebab mengekek sebab something funny happened, but I choose not to talk about it here. Tapi memang lawaklah.. Laughed hard, itupun terpaksa tahan-tahan sebab dah lewat malam (- -")

Okey next update, tentang hari performance kami pula. Dari comot-comot diorang ni (termasuk aku lah) hinggalah esoknya jadi macam puteri (kecuali aku - tetap comot XD). Keesokannya ;)

Later!

He made a rebel of her guarded heart ♥



Took some of my time thinking about my past, when hearing lagu "Fifteen" by Taylor Swift. I was fifteen, when the first mess was made.. BUT NOW, I hardly can remember how it felt before. For the first time in my life, I can't believe the magic I've been feeling for these past three weeks has completely erased all the burden I felt about my first love..

Yes, three weeks had passed. Three weeks of keeping secrets, three weeks in a deep thinking. I lost my words, I can't even blog properly. Yang rajin jenguk my Facebook mungkin boleh teka what had happen. You can easily guess lah..  Memang saya sendiri nak gelak pada diri sendiri, how you guys always found me fall in love (?) with different person everytime. Tak payah gelakkan, saya sendiri boleh gelakkan diri sendiri. Feel bad pun iya, feel funny pun iya.

Love found me ..once I let it go. Magic. Can you believe it? Dan sebenarnya, memang ada sesuatu yang saya ingin sampaikan sewaktu menulis entri-entri lain sepanjang 3 minggu lepas. Ada yang password protected segalanya, well, now, I think it's time to be honest with my own belog. Saya dah tak mahu rasa terpasung untuk mengungkapkan semuanya..

Saya dapat agak, ada pihak yang tidak setuju dengan perhubungan kami ini. Saya tahu. 3 minggu ini saya berdiam diri, demi menjaga hati semua pihak walaupun saya sendiri terluka kerana merahsiakan semua. Hati dia pun terluka, tapi saya tahu dia faham. Dan detik ini, I knew I've found the strength to speak out, I am giving up this fear, fear of what would happen if THEY ever knew I am in love with him.

They asked, why? Why him?

Do we really need reasons to fall in love? Do we really need something to hold on to just to fall in love? Do we? Tell me.

No body ever brought this kind of happiness before him. It's like, this is my first time being truly happy, of my entire crappy life. He might have nothing  MORE compare to other guys I'd ever met or close with. He's just a normal guy, very ordinary. Ordinary, but something in him feels just amazing. I wasn't expecting him, he wasn't expecting me. We live a very different life, tapi akhirnya kami hadir secara tidak sengaja dalam hidup masing-masing. Since the first day I met him, I saw the life I'd never dream to live in.. The feeling he made me feel is nothing to compare, never been dreaming of this. Never knew LOVE could be this beautiful.. Alhamdulillah.

Biar saya hadapi semua ini dengan senyuman, semua yang bakal terjadi biar terjadi (lirik lagu?). If I ever get hurt again, this is still my life. I don't wanna stress out about the future, it hasn't come yet. Never mind the hurt, I can bear with it. It is now, or never. I am in love, it is all that matter now.

Saya masih ingat saya pernah berkata, no love before marriage.. *blush* Just so you know, I am still holding on to it. Kami sebetulnya masih dalam proses mengenali hati budi masing-masing. I remember, once I said saya akan serah soal jodoh pada parents bila selepas 25 saya masih belum jumpa yang sesuai. I am 25 this year, remember? No time playing around - I'd never play around dalam soal CINTA, anyway. I am always serious talking about it, I always try to work it out everytime I am in a relationship, but I took so much time and wasted so much tears to finally found the right one. The rainbow is worth the rain.

This time, this naughty guy had completely made a rebel of my guarded heart. 

Enough for now.. Maybe I will take time cerita how we met..

Fear.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Baiklah!

Mood menulis datang kembali. Inspired lepas baca blog-blog orang di sini dan di sana. Dan saya realize one thing, MY BLOG FOLLOWERS DAH BERTAMBAH dalam 10 orang since the last time I tengok angka followers tu. Well, hey there, how are you? Theehee. Sebelum ni tak tengok sangat sebab online guna handphone je dan kalau bukan buka Facebook, saya buka Facebook. Kalau bukan Facebook, Facebook. Nampak tak? XD

Sekarang online guna laptop. Akhirnya aku guna jugak balik broadband aku yang dah lama terperuk dalam laci meja.

Ada tak siapa-siapa yang sempat baca entri yang saya publish malam tadi? Ada? Tak ada? Oh tiada apa-apa, itu entri pemberitahuan saja, memang terpublish secara sebentar saja ye. Beberapa jam saja ye. Pagi tadi saya dah set entri itu ke draft balik. Don't ask why. Still have fear on SOMETHING, I guess..

Fear, of what if it will never work out..?

Okey Fina, dulu kemain stress tentang the past. Now stress about the future pula. Demmit.

Now that I found you, stay..

Friday, February 11, 2011

I wrote your name in the sky,
But the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
But the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
And forever it will stay..


Written by Jessica Blade





Via Sony Ericsson C905

Tari Kirana at Kinabalu National Park, Kundasang

Monday, February 07, 2011


This is the third update.

Selepas isi perut, we split up ikut dua kereta sebab tak dapat nak angkut semua lapan orang sekali kan XD Dana with Jijah, Widha, and Ana. Me with Jimah, Feezah, dan Nanak. Rombongan Dana sampai dulu. Kami tunggu Uncle Kosh lagi sebab Uncle Kosh yang angkut kami. Sampai-sampai saja di pintu gerbang Kinabalu Park tu, Uncle Kosh parking kereta kejap, bayar sewa dewan untuk aktiviti main badminton petang tu dengan anggota Agrobank yang menginap di Walai Tokou Homestay sekali dengan kitorang.

Kami turun kereta dan cakap dengan uncle kami nak jalan kaki saja ke dewan sebab nak nikmati keindahan alam. Kehkeh.

KINABALU PARK! My 4th time being here. Me with Jimah, Feezah (hehe), dan Nanak.

Budak baju biru tu namanya Denden. Anak coordinator homestay. Minat sangat dekat Iwan AF8 =)

The girls ambil kesempatan bergambar dengan Peter, from France, yang kebetulan satu jalan dengan kami. Nice guy, talked with him waktu dalam perjalanan and nampak sangat yang dia suka travel dan memang dah banyak berjalan pun. He been to several countries, sebelum ni dekat Indonesia. Envy jugalah sikit heh.

Waktu dekat Dewan Kinabalu .. Rombongan Dana dah sedia ada di situ. Lama tunggu? XD

Dan lepas tu kami out sebab nak jalan-jalan. Memang itulah perancangannya kan. Theehee.

Cam whoring 1

Cam whoring 2

Cam whoring 3
Serba sedikit pemandangan dari atas, dan dari bawah.

Cam whoring 4

Cam whoring 5

Next, entri tentang aktiviti lain kami petang jalan-jalan di Pekan Kundasang tu dan rehearsal kami malam tu.
 
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