For a happy ending.

October 27, 2010

Saya tak tahu ini entri akan leads ke mana. This evening, staring at the monitor, without a purpose, without a known destination. I'm going to start this. Loosen up my ability to think in an organized way, I let my mind wandering around. 

Remember the time when I told you I LOVE to share things in my life? No, actually I don't. I like, but I don't really enjoy it. I tend to blog about my personal thoughts, most of them are soooo immature I know. The truth is, I don't like people to see that part in me. I don't like it when my friends read my blog. I pray for my english teachers during my primary and secondary school wouldn't read this blog cuz my english are so bad demmit hahaa - and not to mention, suka merojak-rojakkan bahasa.

Who's the real Fina?
When I laugh, I laugh loud like a crazy woman. I pissed off a lot like perempuan psiko, I have my own dislikes and hatred - being so hateful, I might be a ohsoridiculousfinasophie, I am always confused, always excited, always thinking - sometimes I'll get blurred, always changing, and always moving - but the progression can be so slow sometimes sooo fast, but still in my own pace, so yeap, I do change. Well, who doesn't? Things I loath for 10 years might become the things I will love for the rest of my life. Vice versa.  

I am not actually a shy girl, even people tend to see me as pemalu. I am moreee to be pendiam to strangers, I don't talk much unless I'm with my close friends. More likely talk about important things only. I hate gossiping, but  I'll do it sometimes when I get bored - only when I have someone to gossip with and have something to gossip about but biasanya tak ada, cuz now, the only girlfriend I am comfortable to talk anything with is Dana, - she loves gossiping XD but gossip isn't her current subject of interest for now, well you know why? She found a boyfriend. Since she'd passed her big examination two weeks ago, boy-talk really takes place in our conversations. What to do, layan je lah. I'm her only sister XD Ah enough about gossips.

Semakin lama, semakin hilang passion saya dalam berbelog. Oh apa dunia dah buat dekat the old Fina Sophie?? *sigh* Maybe because my life aren't as beautiful as yours *LAUGH* Or maybe I should just stop blogwalk to those blog I adore - Beautiful owner, beautiful life, beautiful love stories, beautiful words, beautiful inside out, beautiful everything.

Yeah I don't blogwalk much, but if I do, I really do. Means, at least I want to have clue of who's the blog owner really is. I can see the beauty of every blog I've been (the owner, the words, his/her life..), and even in every people I met. But why am I so struggling to find the beauty of my own life? Adakah saya tergolong dalam hamba-Nya yang tidak bersyukur? Minta dijauhkan sama sekali.. Saya bersyukur apa adanya, cuma saya sesalkan sesetengah perkara yang saya hilang sepanjang perjalanan saya ke hari ini.

Saya dah stop baca diari-diari lama dan blog lama - Sebenarnya, bukanlah saya selalu baca, tapi lepas baca - kadang-kadang boleh termenangis seorang-seorang. I'd get through it, anyway. Dah takda dah menangis-menangis baca. Waktu tu, I wanted my old self back, and the memories too. What had done, is done. What had gone, is gone. In Yasin, we're familiar with 'KUN FAYA KUN'. Jadi, jadilah. Right muslims? Apa yang saya buat sekarang sebenarnya adalah, move on. New life. New love. New self. To break away. New self means, jadi lebih sweet, lenyapkan segala perasaan benci yang aku develop selama ini XD Of course, with my own pace. New home and new environment, maybe. Tired with this so-called home. This is supposedly just a house. Benci bila orang mendesak.

If there's any beauty in my life, I doubt if people really want to know about it. Lagi-lagi cerita sedih kita, siapa yang nak tahu? Well, the reason why we set our blog to publicly published mestilah untuk bagitahu orang tentang thoughts kita kan. But who are going to read it anyway? I mean, WHO REALLY WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT?

Ohmy gloomynya entry ni. Eh taklah gloomy sangat pun. Ini jadi gloomy sebab cuaca tengah mendung (tiba-tiba). I still know how to smile though XD

Everything have it ends. And I am wishing for a happy ending..

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  1. hey its normal to have bad days and to be sad even. nothing wrong with that at all <--in case u need cheering up (its a video)

  2. kusut,
    hi kusut. Hv no idea, someone is actually commenting this entry. Hehe (- -") ya its cmpletely nrmal.. Xptt publish, tp ntah tekan publish gak. Crazy me.

  3. And oh, about the video, thanks. I'll watch it!