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To Anonymous.
Saturday, July 24, 2010 posted at 10:09 ♥


Menggeletar.

Gambar di atas snapshot komen entri I N I.

This is big. I don't know who's this anonymous is, but, he/she brought something big for me. Big enough, for all these years. For all this 4 years. 4 years. 4 years, guys. It's four years. Silap, BARU SEDAR. It's 5 years actually. FIVE.

*sebak*

I'd searched for June Edward in FB and there she is, with her cute baby. Muka sebiji macam mum dia. Especially part mata. She got her own life now. Well, who didn't. Everybody does. Again, IT'S BEEN FOUR FIVE YEARS and I am the one who is still shadowed with the past. Shame on me. Seeing her picture, I am truly happy for her. Saya tahu macamana glowingnya perasaan menjadi seorang isteri, kemudian menjadi seorang ibu.

*menitis*

Ini air mata bukan meminta simpati. Ini air mata bukan menangisi kisah dulu-dulu. Ini air mata yang dipendam sejak bertahun-tahun itu, baru hari ini berjaya dikeluarkan. Air mata yang aku pernah wish aku mampu untuk keluarkan. Ini air mata tanda aku melepaskan semua. Cerita yang aku bawa sejak aku di berblog di Friendster Blog, cerita yang aku bawa ke Sufilara.Com, hinggalah ke Sophiesm.Blogspot.com. Aku percaya ini hari yang bermakna pada aku. It's July kan? Genap 5 tahun. Kamu yang mengikuti aku setelah sekian lama, pasti mengerti.

Ini air mata juga tanda penghabisan. Pada Juliana, juga pada S. Pada my cousin, Padil. Pada Mazlan. Pada Ziela, Jasminah, Tia, Ernah, Salfuddin, Zul dan semua yang lain. Semua yang ada waktu itu. Walaupun habis menggeletar, tapi aku rasa beban dalam hati dah sedikit ringan.

Aku tak dapat cari words. Untuk bayangkan perasaan waktu ini. I guess, I only need just a person to say : 'Stop thinking about the past" then I will move on. Heh. Saya tak pernah terfikir ini, tapi saya rasa saya perlu buat sesuatu pada diari-diari lama saya. Kerana itu mungkin antara sebab selama ini saya agak sukar untuk move on.

To Anonymous, thanks. I think I know who you are but I might be wrong. And I do know, she's not with him pun. I know that before I finished my Form 6 lagi. Keep reading my blog :)

.. Dan, kepada rakan-rakan yang selama ini support blog ni, baca blog ni tiap kali ada entri baru, dan ada yang rajin komen entri-entri, saya sangat berterima kasih, sebab korang layan saja repekan saya walaupun korang tahu sebenarnya tak perlu layan pun :') Ada yang jadi silent reader saja, saya juga hargai yang itu. Saya menulis sebenarnya bukan mahu mengaibkan siapa-siapa. Kalau ada sesiapa rasa di-aibkan, tolong mesej saya secara privet, saya akan delete. Saya juga minta maaf, kalau selama ini saya ada terkasar bahasa, tersindir, dan segala yang ter-ter lagi. Apa yang saya tulis, semua ikhlas. Kalau saya puji, itu ikhlas. Kalau saya menegur, itu ikhlas. Kalau saya ketawa, itu ikhlas. Kalau saya menangis, itu juga ikhlas.

.. and no. Tidak perlu berkata apa-apa untuk menenangkan dan sabarkan aku. Aku tenang saja. Malah mungkin lebih tenang lebih dari yang kau bayangkan. Air mata ini bukan air mata untuk meratapi, tapi ini kerana aku lega.. Dapat kau beza tangis kesedihan dan tangis kelegaan?

I don't know about the future, but I have today. The past is already the past, and I cannot have it again no matter how. I've learnt that today.

Kalau masih sudi, silakan terus membaca blog saya. Silakan terus bersama saya.

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16 Comments:

Blogger tiefazatie said...

dear..sabar ye...forget the past..and live ur life happily sis!..=D

24 July, 2010 10:44  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i like ur blog...truskan yer...

24 July, 2010 10:48  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah.you wrong..dont ever think sepa y komen2..nti reader lain ambl kesempatan pla haha.i dont want you know sepa pn saya..
juliana K(kalo nda silap la) last name dia.already married..org LD..(so you know its really me komen you subuh2 td)
dont be sad.. i know how its feel so be strong ya.. :')

24 July, 2010 11:53  
Blogger fendi_scropio said...

OoooOOooo..
dont be sad..klu xde benda cam 2..mane masam manis hidup nie..patient

24 July, 2010 14:36  
Anonymous Vic_guLr86@yahoo.co.uk said...

napa la hdup ni bgini..
kita ni sma ja kn..tau benda bgini stlh btahun bdendam..apa yg ptut kita rsa..mo maafkn semua ni..huhu
to juliana..kmu tetap my bestfriend..wlu apa pn perna blaku ketika tu..

24 July, 2010 17:58  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

tiefazatie,
i will, thanks ifa :)

24 July, 2010 23:35  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

Anonymous,
thanks, dear Anonymous. i will, too :)

24 July, 2010 23:40  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

Anonymous,
( I believe both anonymous in this comment section were different person)

:)

24 July, 2010 23:44  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

fendi_scropio,
that's rite ;) tak rasa tak tahu, kan?

24 July, 2010 23:45  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

Vic_guLr86@yahoo.co.uk aka Ziela,
ko camana ziela .. :(

24 July, 2010 23:51  
Blogger Fara said...

smoga fina feel much better lps ni ok.
no more sadness ok!

25 July, 2010 01:42  
Anonymous Suparjo Mikhail Al-Qarimy said...

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.
Right now.

25 July, 2010 04:28  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

Fara,
everything turns clearer now, and i will :')

25 July, 2010 06:29  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

Suparjo Mikhail Al-Qarimy,
it's experience kan? i won't regret of what had happen tomorrow. it was part of my life.. no matter what.

i might never say this, but thanks SUPARJO for all these years ;)

25 July, 2010 06:35  
Blogger .s.o.f.i.a. said...

let bygone be bygone sayang..... i know how u feel. tapi kalau dia bukan destined to be with u, naper nak ingat2 laie....????

my 9years hoped-to-be-soulmate pun baru bertunang last week. i thot i would die in grief but i was wrong. i grew strong and faced everything with supports from those special people around me.....

so i hope u'll move on dear..... jangan sedey2 dah. let the tears be the last tears to drop on ur pretty face.

26 July, 2010 14:43  
Blogger Fina Sophie said...

.s.o.f.i.a.,
we're in the same boat kan.. and yeap, thing like this lah yang buat kita lebih kuat sbnrnya so i have no regret this all happen in my life. everything has its own reason, no need for regrets.

i'll move on, without any doubt, anymore. well said, cikpia. i know u do understand. tak rasa tak tahu ;)

27 July, 2010 17:30  

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