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Thursday, May 06, 2010 posted at 01:28 ♥

..How was I to know I'd miss you so?


Ewah lagu Britney Spears pulak dah. Sebenarnya :

Song mode : ALREADY GONE by Kelly Clarkson

Sila Pasang Lagu Ini wakaka pathetic siap suruh orang pasang lagi tu T_T OKEY SERIOUS. See this :

Yes, this is the guy, I've been telling you, dear blog, since the very first day you've been created. This is the guy who once made my heart beats faster and slower, at the same time. This is the guy, who unintentionally made my heart can never fall in love again, the way I did love him. That's the face I used to live with, for over 6 years. Used to be the face I saw for my future but ironically, it didn't. My first love, yet will never be the last. This, is the guy.

The problem why it didn't work out for us was, my heart and emotions were so cold to him. He craved for affections, he wants my love, that I am actually showing him that I love him to feel loved. But I didn't. When I realized, it's already too late. The thing is, I do REALLY care. I do love him, I can shout it out loud hundred times, that I love him so much that it actually hurts me. My diaries were full of his name. Our stories. Everything. Even for small thing. I used to write everything .. even for, "I didn't see him in school today." He didn't know that, he didn't know that.

Tell me I'm crazy. Tell me, to relax. I know I am crazy enough for still having this feeling towards him. But if being this crazy is all it takes to embrace and hold his heart back, I can live with this craziness for the rest of my life.

Someone posted her status in Facebook. She said, ..is there such thing as "I Love You Enough To Let You Go"?

I answered, yes. But she doesn't seem to agree, she said that it would be so sad right if we do let go?

I do agree, mestilah sedih bukan kalau let go? But it's all on the surface saja. Hakikat dia, lebih rumit. Apa guna memeluk tubuh orang yang kamu cintai tapi hati dia ada di tempat lain, bukan pada kamu? Letting go do sounds so sad. I've been through it. Tapi bukan hati kita saja yang perlu kita fikirkan. Pengorbanan cinta paling besar pernah saya lakukan, adalah mengorbankan hati saya sendiri untuk dia bebas mencari cinta lain yang lebih mampu membahagiakan dia. Pedih memang pedih. Cinta itu natijahnya, perasaan mahu memiliki. Terlalu mahu memiliki. Namun, cinta itu juga tidak mesti memiliki. Mahu memiliki, tapi tidak semestinya dapat memiliki.

I answered her, like this ;

.. different person, different love story. I let him go cuz he's no longer happy being with me. Even if I love him so much, but what's the point having him by my side but his heart no longer with me? My love was so strong, that I want him to be happy and I know the happiness he's searching for will never be me. Letting go maybe one of my biggest mistake that time, so don't do the same. Once you found the one who never fail to make you smile, do not ever let him go. Once you found someone who loves you in return, taking and giving love equally, hold on to that relationship. As long as your love is strong, you guys can face whatever obstacle the world has to offer.

And the girls cakap diorang touched, terus suruh saya cari the right one. Blushing tau :*) Do I sounds like desperate or something?, kata saya dalam hati hahahaha. Oh Lian and Zetty, the one will come soon, jika diizinkan-NYA, cepatlah. Kalau DIA mahu lambatkan lagi, saya redha. HE knows what's best.

What I said, bukan untuk Lian dan Zetty saja. Tapi untuk semua. Juga peringatan untuk diri saya sendiri, to never make mistake again, if what I did was a mistake. Apa yang saya cakap adalah apa yang pernah saya alami, dan ramai lagi yang pernah melaluinya. Apa yang saya lalui ini bukanlah perkara terburuk, dan tidak pernah akan menjadi perkara termanis. Perpisahan biasanya menyakitkan.

..You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go..

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