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Is it true that the easy decisions are the wrong decisions?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 posted at 19:52 ♥


Situasi satu : The Goodbye
Me : "I need you.."

A single tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away before it reaches my chin. I told myself, don't start Fina. DON'T YOU DARE START NOW.

But no reply. I knew it.

Me again : "Mana hilang abang yang cakap abang sayang ayang sangat-sangat tu? Abang sayang waktu happy je ke?"

He does not reply.

Bisa sungguh luka ini walau tak berdarah.

Me again : "So this is your real feeling to me kan.."

By this time I feel like I am such a piece of @#$%^&. Hantar mesej berkali-kali even tak ada balasan. Macam desperate. Macam?

Him : "Nak ape?"

'Nak ape'. That is so rude sayang.

Me : "To be by my side."

You know my situation kan? You know I am sad kan?

Him : "OK, but not now. I'm sleepy."

Semudah itu? No more questions, no more trying to understand me. He seems no longer cares.

Me : ''Why you will always trying to avoid me each time I really need you??"

No reply.

Me again : "Goodbye."

Each time I hung up the phone, I felt that my weak goodbye wasn't really a goodbye. It was more to a 'see you around'. I knew that he'd be around for a little while longer so there will always a chance to back out, to recover all the DONE things, starting it all over again without being afraid that maybe someday we will lose each other. Often, our words weren't really a final.

Saya tension awak pun nak tension jugak. Haih.

He promised to send me to the airport this Thursday.

Heh.

We have been together since more than a year ago. Okeylah memang tak sampai pun bertahun-tahun lagi but dah macam-macam perkara kami lalui bersama-sama. So, didn't it deserve more than a few days of goodbye? Should I really say goodbye to him, anyway?

Aku cakap apa neh. SORRY.

Situasi dua : Which Path?

Right now, I am very fragile inside.. I am scared of everything. I can't bear the pain. For moments like this, he should be here with me. But I guess, the one I should turn to is Allah and my family indeed. They are the best thing I have, and will always be.

I want to be home, but, tak tahu nanti macamana nak berdepan dengan keluarga. Tak tahu nanti macamana nak berdepan dengan begitu banyak soalan bertanya kenapa, kenapa, dan kenapa. How I will answer those all questions without feeling so miserable (heh, who would not?)? How could I bear breaking my loved ones' hope when actually I do not want this to happen? How, how and how?

I can't go on with it. I can't stay here any longer.

P.s I don't understand how people that deeply in love with her/his fiance would STILL enjoy having scandals and went out freely like wt... are you? Percintaan Jarak Jauh cannot be the reason!

P.p.s Inggeris tunggang-langgang. Pardon me.

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4 Comments:

Anonymous nur.sa said...

the one I should turn to is Allah and my family indeed.<--that's true fina... :) :)

15 September, 2009 23:42  
Anonymous Captain said...

i don't know what just happened, but your posts were so happy before, now it's turned so gloomy! be strong yea?

16 September, 2009 18:01  
Anonymous Fina said...

nur.sa,
thank you sbb quoting me. i like it. haha :P

thanks again, i read your blog yg sa mention my name ;)

18 September, 2009 17:46  
Anonymous Fina said...

Captain,
i'll be just fine. akhir2 ni life sgt menguji :) urggh. emo gile. haha.

18 September, 2009 17:48  

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