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I'll cry sebanyak mana yang boleh.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009 posted at 00:58 ♥

It's almost 1 AM.

Hari ini saya rasa helpless. Saya tak boleh call him sebab dia tengah kelas. Hari ini saya tiada kelas tapi sepatutnya saya ada di tempat lain, tapi saya tak pergi. I cannot control my emotion. And it's hurting.

I texted mama selepas post entri lepas.

Me : "Ma, saya tidak mau balikla.."

And she called me on the phone, tapi saya tak angkat. Banyak kali.

Me again : "Tidak payahlah call Ma. Saya tak mau sambut.. Tak dapat bercakap.."

Mama : "Tidak payahlah cakap. Dengar saja mama cakap. Tolong angkat telefon, Na."

Then mom call. Took several seconds for me to pick up the phone. And once I hear my mom's voice, I cried.

She wants me to be home first. Apa-apa hal, bincang di rumah. Tapi balik dulu.

Saya tak bercakap tapi I cried like hell. Told you, I cannot control myself. Mama pujuk. And, she cried too.. Ohh I made her cry..

Bermula petang tadi semasa saya post entri lepas, saya menangis atas katil sampai tertidur. Bahu terhenjut-henjut menahan tangis. Meniarap dan muka menghadap dinding. Sebab I know bukan saya seorang je dalam bilik tu. I don't want people to see my tears. Bangun dari tidur mata rasa bengkak. But still, I cry lagi. Oh macam ni lah rasanya hati yang bagai ditusuk sembilu. Pedih. Kalau saya berpuasa, dah batal agaknya sebab tertelan banyak air mata sendiri. Lama juga.

Bila selesai, pergi on laptop, online tapi fikiran entah ke mana. Then it's time to bersungkai. Even saya tak boleh puasa, tapi sejak sahur tadi saya tak makan apa-apa lagi. Minum pun tidak. Macam orang berpuasa. Tapi tak join sekali diorang bersungkai sebab not in the mood. Pukul 10 malam tadi baru makan. Itupun just makan megi tapi tak apalah, maggi kan sedap. Lama tak makan maggi.

Dear him, why you always make things more difficult for me?

:(

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2 Comments:

Anonymous .o r k e d. said...

ape jd?ksian u

15 September, 2009 01:07  
Anonymous Mr.Chenta said...

what happen?

15 September, 2009 01:11  

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