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5th NOV '08 : APA YANG PERLU DISYUKURI

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Ziela once said.. lebih kurang macam ni la maksudnya..

“ko pastikah sepenuh rasa cinta itu masih ada, sedangkan ko sudah beri semua pada orang lain..?”


This line made me think. And later on, I do think she’s right. Based on my experience, once you gave it all to somebody, your heart will never be completely whole again.

At that time, I’d made mistake. I wasn’t thinking. I’d give all that I have in my heart and nothing left... I gave all love I have in this world just for him. I have only him, I saw only him. And I wanted only him... That was my stupid mistake (was only 15) and now, I have everything that made my life feels so complete, but I still remember how painful it is and what it does to me.

Bukan setakat dia yang tertinggal di hati saya. Tapi ada separuh hati saya yang masih di sana. Separuhnya bersama saya dan apa yang ada ini, dengan sisa kekuatan yang ada ini, buat saya kembali mencinta. Cinta kedua takkan pernah sama seperti rasa cinta pertama.. ini hakikat yang perlu saya terima agaknya. Apa yang tinggal, itulah yang perlu disyukuri. Sekurang-kurang masih ada sisa cinta yang Tuhan tinggalkan dalam hati, kerana Dia telah menentukan, tanpa cinta, tidak mungkin seseorang itu mampu hidup bahagia.

kesimpulannya :

cinta pertama saya BUKAN cinta sejati saya.

4th NOV '08 : MEANT TO STAY THIS WAY

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Oya. Today.

I checked out his profile on Friendster site (saw him in my Friendster Viewer list).

To my surprise, he’s in relationship with another girl. Another? Ya. The last time I checked his Friendster site (since he spied on my Friendster page too. Wawawa), I’d really thought he’s in love. truly in love. was about to let go (I’d never really let go) ..but I was totally wrong about 'he's in love' thing. What am I thinking? He’s always h i m. Are you still playing around with that old brand new love game with cutie chinese look girls, dear? Sometimes I wonder, when will he get tired of all of it? And by the second thought, oh. No, of course he’ll not. He’s still 22. And he’s still a handsome guy with that horny look. Wah!

Hehe. Kidding.

Seriously. I love him. Loving him dearly - but he have to stay out of knowing this. dia - lelaki asing pertama menyentuh hati dan hidup ini, dan saya akui, jejak yang dia tinggalkan masih ada.. dan saya telah lama memaafkan segalanya kerana sume tu adalah kerana kekhilafan kami berdua jua. Cinta tidak mesti memiliki. Ape yang saya benar-benar harapkan, saya mau dia akan jatuh cinta lagi seperti dia mencintai saya dahulu (Yes, he do) dan mau dia lebih lebih lebih bahagia. i want him to be true of himself, to find himself.. cuz deep inside, I know what he is and what he can give to ones beside him. i don't care keep staying out from his life. here's where i meant to be..

But to be true, I don’t like his current relationship with that girl. Oh peliss! He deserve MORE than..!

Well.

He’s still my past, hubby dear is my future. And I’ll certainly choose the future. Without any doubt. After all these times, I’ll be truly happy for myself, if I know he's happy for himself.

SICK OF BEING SICK

Monday, November 03, 2008

last nite, before sleep, my headache become worse. baru pukul 10 tapi sy dah bersiap2 untuk baring dan tidur (walaupun tak mengantuk) - after telan dua bijik panadol. my dear roomate balik bilik dan perasan ubat-ubatan bergelimpangan kat atas meja saya (saya tak larat nak kemas balik) kemudian dia bg pil yang dia amik dari Pusat Kesihatan Universiti (PKU) time dia sakit agak teruk hari tu. dia kata bukan yang biasa PKU bg, cuz ubat ni dia sendiri minta dari farmasi. pil yg kesannye kuat. so saya pun telan je lah pastu sekejap je saya dah tertidur..

bangun je siang tadi sudah lebih dari jam 12. g mandi pun terhuyung hayang sket. tapi kejap je la. leh kawal dah pastu. sampai sekarang rasa di awang-awangan.. tadi bila baring atas katil, feels like some kind of nervous.. jantung berdegup kencang.. hampir2 nak terlelap tapi tak jadi sebab member sms.

called one of my girlfriend, amoy. waaaaa.. mish her! i guess i should talk about my girlfriends under my special edition entries. how do u think?

lots of love :)

p/s bosan sikit-sikit..

LIFE'S LIKE THIS.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

dears.. :(

semalam pas rase2 bdn mcm panas n mcm nak selesema, terus g makan ubat then tido. woke up this morning feels like dah ok. cuma selesema sikit. skrg ni kat lab cari bahan rujukan cukup2 untuk exam 5hb ni - Teori Asas Bimbingan Dan Kaunseling. dengan air-cond yang bleh tahan kuat, panas kat kepala n badan makin terasa.

waktu macam ni la hendak macam2. hendak makan ayam goreng. tak tahan! :D macam mengidam pula. sampai sakit2. my hubby really sorry tak dapat teman n bawa g cari yang sayang die ni idam-idamkan, cuz die dah janji kat kawan tolong buat autocad - pelan rumah. he said that he'll spend time with me tomorrow if i willing to hold on just for a day.. huuu.. merajuk2! tapi dalam diam setuju.

but kesiannya my hubby.. if jadi pun esok, die mmg terpaksa kena tahan dengan kerenah saya..

baru dapat tau td report untuk projek MNW tu tak siap lagi. waaa.. report tak siap lagi, camane nak claim duit? waiting for money yg saya laburkan utk projek tu around RM300 - utk belanja kargo balik sabah nanti. byk nak bawa balik ni.

nak sambung cari maklumat. leh balik awal n rehat awal. huhu. 1st time rasa yang sejuk amat ekon kat lab ni. biasanya ok je. mcm kat DKG 2/9 pulak. time sem 1 dulu kiotang gelar kelas tu peti sejuk.

okayh. later. brrrrrr....!


 
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