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Oh nothing. Just me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016 posted at 20:28 ♥


Nana.
Ya Allah Nana. Stop telling yourself you're the only one who should be responsible for all these mess. Stop telling yourself it was all your fault.

Kau dah okey dah dulu sebenarnya Nana. You got through it all long ago. You did it! But it's just recently it all coming back to you now. Suddenly something came to you and made you remember the scars. Parut yang telah terluka kembali.

Ingat Allah, Nana. He loves you that is why HE sent you dugaan like this. I know when you are sad you don't really have anywhere to go. You shutdown yourself, you cry on your bed, cuddling your Dom yang understanding saja sebab when you start hugging him sambil cry dia duduk diam tak pernah nak lepaskan dari pelukan. Crying even when you're eating. Reading Quran to sooth yourself. When in doubt you turn random page of Quran to find answers. Yet you still cry. You still have burden inside you.

That is sick. You know that?

And next time you are too sad, instead of crying over things you cannot change, please turn again to anything you like as your last try. Your passion. Your business. Music. Singing. Dance. Travel. You're doing it now, but do it more. Do it until you forget! It's about you now. No one else. So think about yourself more than anyone because you're all you have! Please.

Sebab, sampai bila? Tell me. You have you secret no one knows. You hold your burden from many years ago until now. But it's your choice that it still can hurt you like this.

Do more. Try more. Get up!
Please.
:(

Bali, 20 April 2016.

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A stranger in me.
posted at 10:21 ♥

Reading random old posts from 2009 from my blog www.sophiesm.com, wow I lost too many people in my life. I lost many things. I forgot everything about me. Who I am, what I like. What makes me truly happy, what I loath most. How I see life. How I see myself. I feel like these 3 years back I had my mind completely shutdown. Blanked.

No one will ever imagine what I've gone through. Banyak orang share dan viral tragedi yang terjadi pada orang lain dekat Facebook. This and that, here and there. They will never expect that had happen to me too.

Guess why would I tell you my mind blanked over these few years? Sometimes I think, was it me? Was it actually, really because of me?

Damaged.
I am damaged.
Damn damaged.

Well I don't have much choice. Broken I am. Messy I am. Lost I am. I feel a stranger in my own body? Yes, but. What the hell. I gotta love the stranger in me. Because if I don't, who will?


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Kotobian Tadau Tagayo Do Kaamatan. :)
Monday, May 30, 2016 posted at 22:26 ♥



Happy Kaamatan! Fellow friends nunu habar kou baino? Nokoakan ko noh? Au ku koilo kopio mimboros dusun, nga karati ee oku ma tekuuudi kekekkk sorou pe bei. Siongoi oku daa moi hilo id KDCA nga au oku osimbayan. Haro nopo wonsoyonku hiti (toi gia?)

Tam. Betul kaitu. Hahah!
Goodnight!



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Listen.
Saturday, May 28, 2016 posted at 06:09 ♥







I accidently signed up plan Celcom Internet Burung Hantu 10GB RM5 sahaja. Mobile internet habis quota sebab dah hampir tamat tempoh sebulan dan banyak spend time dekat luar these 1 month. Kalau di rumah, guna wifi saja. So habislah quota tersebut sebelum waktu. Dan malam ni tidur lewat, 2AM selesai tolong mak di dapur untuk catering majlis esok (yes i'm in ranau now). So naik bilik tu try register (first time nampak dalam menu celcom). Tengok 10GB RM5 only 1AM-7AM, terus excited thinking eh murahnya, but I wasn't aware yang itu untuk 1 malam sahaja. LOL sadis. April fool dah lama berlalu. So untuk tidak menghampakan RM5 tersebut maka, alang-alang tidur lewat malam ni apa kata hari cuti yang indah ni jam 7AM baru tidur?


Okey cukop macam iklan XPAX pulak.

So here I am.

Sudah lama mau try juga sebenarnya blogging through phone. Not sure how this would turn out sebab saya ada sikit annoyed kalau outcome post alignment pergi ke kiri or ke kanan. Font random segala. Laptop masih di hospital, oh sedih. Tapi terfikir ia sudah 8 tahun berkhidmat, oh.. :')

How are you blog? How are you my dear friends? Do you still blog? I didn't blog often now, because if I write, I'd write about sad things. Who would want to know that? Who would want to read such things? No one. T_________T. Yes this keeps on bugging me. Whenever I started writing, I'll always begin with asking myself this. Where do I begin. YES. Where do I begin? Is it my fault that I skipped writing updates too much, sampaikan there's no record I can refer to on what actually happenning these few years. Sebab I don't remember any single thing. My mind is blocking them. HAHAHAHAHABLERGHHH. Say again, who's blocking?

I do miss writing. And typing. I miss blogging. Because people will always hear me. Whether they understand or not, they'll listen. Listeonnn to the soooonng here in maiii heooorttttt *vibrato*. They'll read. Tapi what's going on in their mind, how they interpret my writings in their own meaning, that, I cannot halang. For me blogging is never about fame. It's about passion on doing things that I love. It is called : being TRUTHFUL. But, my honesty and me being always blunt over things sometimes distance me from my own blog. I am so worried I might slipped anything that I will regret later. I have hearts who I have to care. I am naturally a good person *wekkk* but as a human, I do have my evil side too (i am wayyy too honest). I do have weakness. I have histories I wish I can erase. I am unlucky. I am struggling in life. I have those moments I wish I could go back. And...... call me immature but I hate when people tell me to be patient when I AM being patient.

I still want to write more, :( but I have to go. Lovely day everybody!

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Entri Tiba-Tiba
Sunday, February 14, 2016 posted at 03:47 ♥

Finally hitting 'new post' button on Blogger. Mimpi apa entah.

Okey sebenarnya baru selesai siap kerja. Tidak pernah habis pun tapi decide yang lainnya setelkan besok. Rajin saya setakat 3AM tadi. Pastu tiba-tiba sedar saja eh tengah tulis blog?

Helo blog. It's been few months already. Disember dan Januari langsung tiada update. It's not that I do not do anything, in fact, these 2 months was one of those most roller coaster, exciting months and I took many pictures too! Lama sudah tidak ambil gambar banyak-banyak so that's why I consider I am doing pretty well for my early 2016. My previous years was way too dull.. Very stressful. :)

Happy new year 2016 and happy Chinese New Year!

Sebenarnya di lubuk hatiku yang paling dalam masih berhasrat satu hari nanti saya update blog ni on daily basis. Mungkin bermula minggu depan, atau bulan depan, atau tahun depan, atau esok. Eh esok? Atau yang paling kejam, lagi 10 tahun. Aktiviti terkini boleh tengok di instagram saya, though. I think the only social media saya update sekarang lebih kepada instagram (autopost di facebook). But seriously memang nak aktif blog balik, em but again everytime bukak blog pun memang kinda berjanji pada diri mau update selalu tapi end up, senyap sepi gelap gulita wahahah.

Lama tak blogwalk. Do people actually still blog? Jap. Yang betulnya, adakah orang-orang yang start berblog lebih kurang saya (around 2006) masih blog lagi sekarang? To name a few.. *sebut dalam hati* X) Okeylah almost 10 years blogging woi. Agaknya saya sorang saja yang masih macam ni.. T_T

Semalam first time nangis tengok main bola. Filem Olabola. Orang rekemen tengok, yours truly pun tengoklah walaupun nda paham pun selama ni tentang game bola. Bukan bola kinda girl. In fact bukan jenis bersukan pon. Hahah k random. Sekian post paling pertama untuk tahun 2016 yang random dan pointless ini. Tidak apalah, blog saja pon. Why some people take things so serious, tulis blog main format itu ini. I can start and end my entry however I want. I can italic, bold, underline etc wherever I want. I can write whenever I want and whatever I want. Tulis sajalah setakat mana yang nak kongsi kan.. Entah diorang. Eh diorang pula disalahkan. Siapa entah. Bye baik ku tinggalkan tulisan ini nanti makin merepek HAHAHAHA.

Jumpa lagi sepuluh tahun.

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